Look, don’t tell anybody about this, but I’m thinking about getting some bathtub modifications for my safety. I know, it’s shocking. A lich as powerful as me, needing bathroom support? It’s absurd. But, well, something happened the other day. I left my staff and spellbook on the other side of the bathroom as I took a bath to cleanse the blood of those pesky adventurers I recently had to deal with off me. Usually, I would just cast a spell to get out of the bath easily, but without my spellcasting equipment, I was basically powerless. As I was climbing out of the bath, I slipped and broke my back. It gets worse from there, but basically, that’s why I am looking for a company near Sydney to modify my bathtub.
How did I get out of that terrible situation? Well, with my movement crippled, I had no choice but to turn on the tap and let the water run. Eventually, the water crashed over me and I died. Seven days later, I was revived at my phylactery. My house was completely flooded, but a few spells fixed that all up. In my frustration, I completely destroyed my old bathtub, so I’m going to need a new one in addition to these safety modifications. Sure, I may be immortal, but that doesn’t mean that this was at all a pleasant experience. I’d rather it not happen again, even if I have to swallow my pride and get a bathtub cut out for elderly people.
So yes, if you’re a pesky adventurer looking to get some experience points for defeating an all-powerful lich, just show up at my Sydney apartment while I’m robeless in the bath. Should be pretty easy to take me down. I probably wouldn’t even bother to get revenge or anything. One day I’ll blow this planet up anyway, so I’ll get revenge on you all then.
– Archerak