Leave Cars Alone

It’s not very often that we have a council, and it’s always something bad. We’re actually not supposed to see each other outside of this one emergency event, so a lot of us programmers are quite out of practice when it comes to interacting with other programmers. I entered the meeting hall and was ready to shake everyone’s hand, instead of the customary greeting of a secret handshake. Fortunately, I remembered that I’d stocked up on new business cards the day before and had even remembered to bring them with me. 

Anyway, it looks as if SOME people have been abusing the technology. Car servicing specialists Hawthorn wide have been reporting some odd happenings, and word is starting to spread… cars that have certain new AI features installed, for example. I’m talking 4WDs with the power to shift the driver into alternate realms via an impossible number of gears, or something to that effect. Howard Kronkle, the complete nincompoop, has programmed his 2005 Mitsubishi Mirage so that it can mimic a dragon cry, triggering an emergency helicopter from halfway across the state to carry him out of traffic jams.

Cars are to be treated with respect! They are a regular part of life and motor mechanics work very hard. They are respected members of the community, and they shouldn’t have to begin what they think is an ordinary car service, only to find that the boot has been programmed so that the next person who opens meets with a hologram of an ostrich. They don’t deserve this treatment.

Next time a car mechanic in South Yarra reports a sliver of any of this wierdness, there will be consequences. Of course, I’m quite innocent in all of this. I cycle to work, and all I’ve done is a very minor hack on my hatchback to help with the air conditioning. 

– Viola Squiggs