Bull Artist Bro

My brother Brett sees himself as an expert on literally everything. That wouldn’t be a problem if it weren’t for the fact that he totally isn’t. In fact, I wouldn’t say he’s an expert on anything much, aside from spouting codswallop at every opportunity. The worst of it is that he’ll actively make up things to support his case, knowing full well that he’s leading people astray. This is annoying at best, and can sometimes be quite costly to fix.

For example, this morning he convinced my parents that they can unclog their kitchen sink by pouring two litres of goats’ milk down it, which they duly did. He told them that his mate, a professional drainage specialist, had given him this tip, and that plumbers use it all the time. He also claimed to have tried it himself and that it worked a treat. By the time I learned of what had happened, my parents’ kitchen sink was refusing to drain at all, and emitting a rather disturbing smell.

Now we’re madly trying to track down an emergency treatment for blocked drains. Thornbury locals, do you have any hot tips? Naturally, Brett was unable to provide a connection to his alleged mate who specialises in drainage plumbing, and in addition made a hasty retreat from the scene of the goats’ milk fiasco. That’s so typical of him – create a mess, then leave those affected by it to clean it up.

To be honest, my parents’ should have seen this coming. They’re partly to blame, really – no one uses milk for drain unblocking. Melbourne has plumbers aplenty; how hard would it have been to just call one up instead of consulting my idiot brother? How about consulting me for a change? I might not know much on the subject, but I’m not claiming to, and that’s more than can be said for Brett.

He needs a stern talking to on this behaviour. One day he’s going to convince someone to do something dangerous, like repair a ladder with duct tape.